THAT ANGEL COMES (AGAIN)

06:26:51pm
25/01/2010
Ren,.
Q minta maaf ya..
Q akhir2 ni srg gangguin km mulu,.
Q gtw kang.. Hawa.ne pngen sms km mulu.h0h0..
Maapkan aq ya kang..

Short Message from you looked strange. The one guy who I wait his presence, his Short Message, his call, why did have to feel that your presence disturb me? You didn’t remember when I was in a trouble; I sent you 2 or more screen for you?

06:42:26pm
25/01/2010
Gpp ya ren,.
Mumpung km lum dpt pengganti dy..
Nek dah da cow lg kan q dah gbs sembarangan sms km truz kyk gini.he..

My feeling was mixed. I don’t wanna look for subtituter. I only waited my angel went down. I didn’t know who my angel is, but you’re “guy with invisible angel” that I hope. I felt it just a dream, day dream. I ever had you disappointed twice, maybe more. Lucky me when you’re still able to communicate with me. Nonsense if you looked at me just like a year ago. In my mind, angel didn’t come twice. You’re “guy with invisible angel” who I ever let go.

08:46:54pm
25/01/2010
Malaikat itu tak kan pergi kang,.
Dy juga gmw.. Khlangan km..
Dy syg bgtz kang ma km…

I didn’t suppose you still like a year ago. An angel I waited for actually is still with you. A friend who became my sharing spot if I had a problem with my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now), who accompany me (via mobile phone) if I was almost crying when my (ex) boyfriend did unfair. I didn’t realize all of you did is just for the sake of communicating with me. I can’t imagine how pained he is when I told him “I love my boyfriend so much, I miss him, I will always understand him…” T.T

I do understand what you feel. I ever had felt like that, a year ago. Suffering about a year because of hears my story is enough, sweetheart. I thought I was the strongest person, haa, that’s wrong. You’re stronger, I just like a little pieces.

You’re not “guy with invisible angel”, you’re “Angelish man”. Thanks a lot…

Thanks, sweetheart. Thanks God. I will always try and try to make you keeping smile. I won’t never let you hurt. You’re the one who I look for.

“ALONE, I’M LONELY”

Duduk sendiri di bawah sebatang pohon Sengon besar. Taman perpus terasa asing saat ini. Entahlah, atau hatiku yang sedang mengasingkan diri dari feel of daily habits.

I feel lost, oh maybe I get lost. Away from him make me feel that I am not my self. There’s a big empty space, like a hole in my heart. Bukan karena aku kehilangan dia, aku merasa kehilangan cintanya. Itu gag seberapa, karena itu dah kurasakan lumayan lama. The empty space is “I lost a figure that most I love”. When the most I loved becomes the most I hate, whom I love then?

Now I realize, yang kuinginkan dari dia bukan cintanya, tapi rasa yang ku miliki untuk mencintainya. Dulu, aku tak merasa sehilang ini, walaupun dia dengan orang lain, with many ladies, tapi aku tetap bisa tersenyum. Karena aku tetap sayang dia dan dia tahu apa yang kurasakan tanpa harus menyakiti perasaan orang lain.

That’s the difference. I loved him, now not anymore, I think. That’s make me feel so down. Aku ingin bisa mencintai seseorang lagi, like I loved him. Mau dia atau bukan, terserah. Yang penting gag membuatku jadi ilfil dan benci.

Aku ingin punya seseorang yang bisa kupercaya dan mempercayaiku lagi. Yang bisa buatku ceria dan ku buat ceria. Yang bisa melindungi ku dan yang bisa nyaman jika didekatku. Bukan cuma kali ini aku jomblo, tapi baru kali ini aku ngrasa benar-benar sendiri. Gosh… where am I?

Aku ingin kembali ke waktu aku kelas XI SMA. Aku ingin menangis karena dia, bukan menangis karena kehilangan rasa mencintainya. kehilangan rasa cinta gag bisa ku ungkapkan lewat air mata.

Kalau gini terus, hidupku gag beda ma rumput…